Earlier this year the Gazillionaire Tory, Zac Goldsmith, resigned from his post as MP for Richmond Park in order to cost taxpayers a shitload of money for a by-election.
“I am resigning as a Conservative MP over plans for a third runway at Heathrow,” the racist dog whistler who lost the London Mayoral race said back in October, “and will stand as independent conservative instead so absolutely nothing changes but I cause you inconvenience, cost you money and look as if I am principled. Vote me.”
However, despite his confidence that his seat was safe, Mr Goldsmith -who missed part of the debate with his Lib Dem rival after one of his team “accidentally” ran him over- was totally and utterly trounced.
Sarah Olney, the Liberal Democrat candidate, ran her campaign as a vote on Brexit. It won’t make a blind bit of difference to the government’s position on Brexit but still, she went with it and won a landslide victory.
“I never had any ambitions to be an MP,” she said, “that’s why I joined the Lib Dems!”
“Sarah ran a mini referendum on Europe that won’t change the government position, Zac ran a mini referendum on Heathrow’s third runway that wouldn’t have changed the government position, UKIP and the Tories didn’t bother and everyone else lost their deposit,” said electoral scholar, Jerry Mandarin, “I fucking give up. Brexit, Trump and now a frigging Lib Dem landslide? I haven’t got a clue what’s going on anymore!”
Miss Olney said in her acceptance speech;
“The people of Richmond Park and North Kingston have sent a shockwave through this Conservative Brexit government, and our message is clear – we do not want a hard Brexit.”
“At least Lib Dems still don’t understand how government works,” said Mr Mandarin, “I couldn’t cope if that had changed too!”
