A stink has been kicking up this week after the British Homeopathic Association were forced to distance themselves from the Liberal Democrats after a northern fake newspaper editor claimed The Lib Dems were less effective than homeopathy.
The row started after Quentin Q Fortesqueue, long time Liberal Democrat voter heard Nick Clegg on the radio and forgot the name of the bloke who’s supposedly party leader.
The Liberals were formerly known as the hard drinking, hard fighting murderous defenders of decency and democracy whose alumni include Paddy “Double Hard Bastard” Ashdown, Charles “Don’t Fuck With Me” Kennedy and Winston “Leveller of Cities” Churchill”.
Paddy Ashdown was once asked if he’d killed a man and replied “I’m not going to say, these things are not to be spoken about.”
“I can’t bear it anymore. Nick Clegg is so insipid, apologetic and sincere.” Quentin told our political editor Quentin this afternoon. “Trying to defeat the Tories in a general election by apologising to the public for their mistakes will be about as effective as either John McDonnell as shadow chancellor or using a microscopic amount of St John’s Wort to cure childhood Leukemia.”
Quentin went on to point out that Liberalism isn’t about tofu weaving, hand wringing platitudes and trying to sound extra super duper nice and honest on the radio but about “manning up” and being prepared to get your knuckles bloody in defence of universal rights.
Nick Clegg was unavailable for comment after being hospitalised during a pillow fight with his five year old daughter.
