Dr David Duke, former Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan, Senate hopeful and all American Nazi screwball, has accepted President-elect Donald Trump’s offer of a key advisory role in his new government.
Alongside other white supremacists, President-elect Trump has created a role in fitting with Duke’s contribution to white American history.
“Look, I know that Ukrainian PhD thing is a bit of a joke, but Dave’s a really switched on guy. He taught me that numbers like 14/88 have special significance to the Klan. I mean, who knew?”
Dr Duke made the following acceptance speech.
“My fellow white Americans,” he said, “I am proud to accept this new role, to have the opportunity to work with like-minded men who have the best interests of all Americans at heart.
Well, except blacks. And Jews. And Muslims. Oh, and Mexicans of course.”
“I did suggest to Mr Trump that my skill-set would be best served as leader of ‘Jews Matter Less than Blacks’ or ‘Muslims Don’t Matter at All’ but Herr Drumpf insisted that the role I have secured is in line with my expertise.”
Mr Duke is expected to take responsibility for race relations, genetic purity, civil rights and “summary justice”.
“Once upon a time,” continued Dr Duke, with a tear in his eye, “I really thought I’d hung up my white sheet and matching pillowcase for good, so this is a dream come true. Donny says that when we have White House barbecues, I’ll even be able to light that cross for old time’s sake.”
He added,
“Thank you for believing in me America. I won’t let you down.”
