Two new appointments have been made to the cabinet of President-Elect Donald Trump.
“Although I know that I will be technically the Commander-In-Chief, people will get angry with me if I press the button and shit…”, said Mr Trump today. “…so I have appointed my imaginary friend ‘Fuzzy’ to the position. Now if the button gets pressed by accident, it won’t be my fault.”
The use of an imaginary friend in a powerful cabinet position is regarded to be a first, and somewhat revolutionary. He will have an imaginary seat at the cabinet table. Mr Trump will ‘translate’ his thoughts for the human members and read out his speeches at state events.
He followed the radical appointment by giving his toy stuffed rabbit, ‘Juanita’ the post of Secretary of Defence. “Some people are complaining that I haven’t even called the Pentagon yet…”, remarked Mr Trump. “…I’m the fucking President-Elect. They can call me. My bunny has always made me feel secure and I’m sure she’ll make America feel safe as well. For all those PC whiners out there, Juanita is a female rabbit. Female – and in a position of power inside my cabinet. I want my cabinet to reflect all of the US, so more racist, gun-loving bible bashers and homophobes will be coming in.”
Further unlikely appointments are likely.