Following his seizure of the Irony Throne, Donald Trump has moved quickly to form his Small Hands Council.

Nigel Farage has been made Small Hand of the King with a remit to quell “the Seven Kingdoms of the EU”. Hilary Clinton, previously sentenced to death, has opted to “take the Black” and will guard the Wall to the South.

Acting upon advice from his personal Meister Howard Stern that “Winter is Coming” he has dispatched Newt Gingrich to open negotiations with the “Snow Mexicans” in Canada.

President Trump (and yes, we are all going to have to get used to hearing that term) is apparently unconcerned about the Dragon Queen Angela Merkel but seems disturbingly interested in the bare-chested, bear-wrestling, horseback-riding Vladimir Putin……

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.