Exciting news on the High Street as budget retailer Poundland announces a multi-million pound rebranding initiative.
“It’s important to stay relevant and move with the times.” CEO Jim McCarthy told The Herald. “Poundland is just so pre-Brexit. We’re just getting ready for when Theresa May has to push the big red inflation button and Trigger Article 50.”
The business has made a name for itself on the high streets of Britain by stocking and selling household items for less than a pound. Or they used to.
“Seriously you can’t buy anything for less than a quid these days. I think Two Poundland better reflects what things that cost a quid today will cost by March. We’d be Four Poundland by September if it wasn’t for Mark Carney.”
Stores are expected to feature a six figure digital display in their signage just in case Gove weasels his way into the exchequer and starts printing money and chain has to change its name on an hourly basis to keep up with inflation.
The good news is Two Poundland will still be the cheapest place you can buy anything on the high street, It just won’t actually be cheap. Don’t worry though, you probably won’t starve to death because Boris is going to start a war with somebody long before then.
