Teresa May has finally announced her cabinet’s decisive plan to trigger article 50 reminding Brexit voters that it is still “on her to do list” and insists she “hasn’t forgotten about it.”

The plan involves tackling several pressing issues in the correct order to ensure a smooth transition to life in economic purgatory.

A spokeslackey for Downing Street told us;

“Well obviously it’s on the list but it is a complex process that requires proper thought and consideration. Mrs May would like to assure Brexit voters that she will personally trigger Article 50 the very moment, and we mean the same minute, it reaches the top of her to do list.”

Downing Street issued us with a copy of the to do list;

1) Find out where socks go in the wash?

2) Cure Cancer

3) Find Shergar

4) Sort out that Israel/Palestine stuff

5) Solve Marie Celeste mystery

6) Lasting World Peace

7) Destroy Boris Johnson

8) Get rid of the poor

9) Lord Lucan

10) Brexit

We asked who is working on solving all of these pressing issues for her and she slowly replied “top men” when we asked who specifically she just said “top men”.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.