We caught up with some douchebag in skinny jeans outside the Apple Store in the Arndale this afternoon:
“I’ve been queuing since Saturday!” Travelling UPVC window salesman, Don Key, told us.
“It looks like all the others but I know from experience that once the new update is pushed out mine will be obsolete lol” – yes, the prick actually said lol without a hint of the suggestion of any actual laughter.
Apple’s head of marketing, Philip Dollar, said; “We’re so excited because we know iPhone fans will love the sheer simplicity of our new design. We’ve removed all those annoying distractions like head phone jacks and cameras, for a more intimate feel.”
The groundbreaking smart phone is also packed with a host of hidden, never before seen features on any Apple device, like fast charging and being completely waterproof.
If you want your iPhone to have the spontaneous heating feature currently being trialled on the Samsung Galaxy Note 7 then you’ll have to wait a bit longer for the release of the iPhone 7S. An exact replica of the 7, but for £200 more.
Sent from my iPhone
