The UK is a gigantic American prison according to balding conspiracist and radio gob Alex Jones- and Rochdale is the proof.

The 42 year old- no, seriously we checked; he only looks 50+; said that ” I’m not the King of Conspiracy, I am the King of Reality! When you’re bad they don’t send you to Gitmo! You’re made a British subject, you hear me? Subject! Strapped down into your new control grid, just like when you’re breaking a horse, first they give you some grain, then they put the bridle on, shh, shh, it’s ok baby, there you go, put the bit into your mouth, now let me walk you into this little trailer, we’re gonna take you to a nice place, we’re your government, let me close this back panel, close the back doors, and throw this bolt, HHAHAHA, we’re gonna march you to a glue factory, hang you up by your legs, and slit your throat, and render you down into Elmer’s glue, you go ahead and kick all you want on that door! The UK didn’t exist until 1959! The government built it and made up our supposed history to cover their cloven hooves’ tracks!”

Our first response was “What?”

Unfortunately he responded:

” The people of America are demonic pig monsters…on average and if there is a depression they will turn into demons. They will do whatever they are told by the establishment for cheese burgers and liquor and to be told they’re cool, and to be given shiny baubles like any bird brain would want to put in there nest! Now you look at Rochdale in Manchestershire, England! You can’t deny that these are just brain-damaged, burger munching Yanks that got on the wrong side of Obama HOOSAIN and have been chipped, tagged, bagged and snagged!”

We considered asking for more details but it would have meant listening to Alex Jones for longer.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.