Communities in Rochdale were reeling this morning as more news of impending financial doom hit the papers, and the pockets of hard working job seekers and alcoholics alike.
“I can’t believe this is happening.” Said Terry Walker, 32 (smoker). “It was bad enough when the price of a lotto ticket went to £2, but to find out that we can’t buy EuroMillions tickets anymore is too much to bear.”
Upon finding out that the £350 million a week that the Leave campaign had promised to the NHS is now unallocated, seasoned text pest and former MP Simon Danczuk is leading the charge to make sure that money goes to the right people.
“Most of my constituents are almost entirely dependent upon the EuroMillions lottery fund for hope. Let’s face it Rochdale is pretty grim even when it’s not raining. I will be launching a campaign to ensure that a portion of the £350 million a week that currently goes to the EuroMillions lottery fund makes it way into the UK’s Postcode lottery.”
Mr Danczuk’s proposal has been met with broad support by the Association of Pay Day Loan Providers, The Honourable Society of Bailifs and The Freemasons.
