During his state visit, the king of Spain addressed the British parliament yesterday. All went well until the king dropped the G-bomb: Gibraltar.
A body of Conservative MPs, led by Sir Roderick Bartleby-McSmythe MP for Harrumph-in-Coherently, threatened to walk out in disgust.
“Who is he to lecture us about Gibraltar?” spluttered Sir Roderick. “We didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition!”
“No one expects the Spanish Inquisition,”replied King Felipe smoothly. “Our chief weapon is diplomacy. Diplomacy, and tact. Our two main weapons are diplomacy and tact, and lazy clichés about bullfighting and flamenco.”
Of course this was like a red rag to abull. Sir Roderick and his chums on the 1922 committee (so called because that was when they first gained their seats) chickened out of the walk-out (“My arthritis was playing up again,” said Sir Roderick disingenuously), but instead chuntered away like ADHD children deprived of their fidget spinners.
Occasional words like “disgrace”, “monkeys” and “get off our Rock” could be made out. Sir Roderick later denied that all this fuss over a colony whose population is comparable in size to Windsor & Etonwas a storm in a teacup. “The Queen takes her name from Windsor! All reputableMPs went to Eton!” he blusters, spilling his tea with impotent fury.
“Comparing Gibraltar to Windsor & Eton strengthens Britain’s claim to the Rock!” Sir Roderick is a leading contender to win the coveted Upper Class Twit Of The Year award. Reports that the Gibraltar issue could be sorted out with a game of Rock, paper, scissors over a dram of whisky were quickly scotched.
