Theresa May’s regime has roundly condemned the Assad Regime’s actions in Syria by saying it was wrong to use Sarin Gas on orphaned children.

“It was just wrong to use Sarin Gas to kill orphaned children.” A spokesdroid for Whitehall told The Herald.

“Everyone knows it’s cheaper to simply slash their bereavement benefits and let them either starve to death or die of exposure. Assad needs to get his act together if he ever wants to rejoin the civilised world.”

The announcement comes four days after Theresa May defended the Conservative’s decision to slash the period of bereavement payments to families who have lost one parent from 18 years to 18 months.

“The important thing is that the taxpayer gets the best deal. Slashing the support for widowed parents from £123 a week per school age child to £80 per week for just 18 months saves £25k per child for the taxpayer. More if they starve to death. It makes sound fiscal sense.”

“Sarin Gas is really expensive in comparison.”

Get monthly highlights in your inbox

SHARE
Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.