ISIS troops fighting around the city of Palmyra have suggested that hostilities be put aside for a few hours at Christmas for an informal game of football with opposing ground forces.

Spokesman Mohammed Ozil said “We have heard of a Western wartime tradition whereby on special days like Christmas, hostilities are put aside and we remind each other that we are only young men, many of us far from home.”

He continued “Football is becoming extremely popular here and we soldiers of jihad enjoy

nothing more than a bit of a kickablout, you know, burqas for goalposts, after a long day beheading infidels. We therefore invite our foes to put down their weapons on their holy day and let’s have a bit of a match before the Turkey invasion. Ooops, sorry, the turkey ingestion.”

The recently officially recognised Islamic Caliphate national football team currently sits 75th in the FIFA world rankings, 5 places above Scotland.

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