Following criticism of High Court Judges ‘interfering’ in the Brexit process, the Football Association have decided to get rid of football referees.

“We don’t need overpaid so-called ‘football rule experts’ making decisions which the crowd can quite clearly see are wrong…” said Ivor Bung, head of rules and policies.

From now on, the crowd will make decisions and decide on appropriate sanctions for fouls and penalties, including the option to ‘string ’em up’ on gallows erected by the goal posts.

Fans will vote in the time-honoured tradition of the Roman circus – thumbs up will mean a reprieve, while thumbs down will see the hapless perpetrator dangling high above the penalty area.


The money saved on referees salaries will go directly to the FA’s slush fund.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.