Jeremy Corbyn was today forced to again deny claims of Anti-Semitism after it emerged that he had “strong links” to the Palestinian terrorist organisation “The People’s Front of Judea”. 

Great Leader Corbyn, who is still yet to confirm whether the Shoe or the Gourd represent the true meaning of Socialism for the Momentum faithful, has been handed this political hot potato.

A source close to ‘Him’ said “It’s been a nightmare for Jeremy, really it has” he told us. “He can barely go out on the street without being accosted by either Dr Martin wielding SWP types demanding that he declare The Shoe as the true symbol of Socialism or worse; it’s the Gourd lot – a bunch of ‘Trust Fund Trotskyists’ waving bottles of Brown Ale to establish their working class creds. It’s exhausting” he continued.

Matters got worse for Corbyn as footage emerged of him sharing a platform with known terrorists and welcoming “our friends from the Judean People’s Front”. When the organisation tried to convince Jeremy that he should be crucified in support of the cause, Corbyn was quick to distance himself from claims that he was, in fact, The Messiah.

With pressure mounting we called Mr Corbyn’s house but his Mum answered and said he was refusing to come to the phone. She reiterated that he wasn’t the Messiah and was, in fact, actually just “a very naughty boy!” When we pointed out that only the True Messiah would deny being the Mesiah she did say, however, that he would admit to being the Messiah if we would all just “fuck off”!

 

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.