Rochdale Council’s Refuse Planner, Frederick West, made the announcement on the council’s Facebook page last week.

“Since the resounding success of our bi-weekly refuse collections we’ve decided to trial a new scheme in which we collect bi monthly, saving the council thousands of pounds which would be better spent elsewhere.”

The initiative, which has seen thousands of ‘Bi-Monthly’ leafets distributed accross the town, famously caused controversy in The Daily Mail yesterday.

The notorious Hitler loving hate spreading divisive rag printed the story of 89-year-old local resident, Ethel Windpipe, who said “It was disgusting! The council sent me one of them gay magazines, well, not gay but greedy you know. About them that like Arthur and Martha.”

The confusion was later cleared up by her grandson Malcolm, who assured her that it was just about trash, to which she agreed.
As part of the scheme the council will be issuing each household with three more different coloured bins and air freshners for when it stinks of shitty nappies in summer.

If the scheme is a success, refuse collections could be become bi-annual. Ethel has already been removed from the mailing list.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.