There are genuine fears for the editor of The Daily Mail after a Somali born Muslim Immigrant ran to a double double victory at the Rio Olympics securing the title of Britain’s greatest ever track athlete and the greatest ever distance runner with four Olympic Gold Medals.

Before Mo Farah had even finished his lap of honour commentators on the BBC began speculating that he must surely be knighted in this year’s Christmas honours for services to athletics, arise sir Mo.

On hearing this it is believed Editor Paul Dacre was found fashioning a noose out of his shoe laces in a toilet cubicle at Northcliffe House.

He was allegedly cut down by a journalist and is now apparently recovering in a padded room muttering;

“Coming over here, coming over here, coming over here, coming over here.”

Bookmakers have suspended betting on whether Mo will be honoured with a knighthood and, according to the Torygraph, his nomination for the list has been confirmed by a Whitehall insider.

Congratulations Mo, and better luck next time Paul.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.


  1. First the loss of all that filthy lucre from the EU to subsidise his estate in Scotland, and now Mo Farah! The acid must be just about through his stomach lining and working it’s way to the lump of flint where his heart should be.

  2. At last kighthood would have a meaning and value to the kids of today. Mo is an inspiration of human determination in spite of suffering to prove himself and make his country proud, and wasn’t that what a true knight represent?

  3. Paul Dacre you are an TWAT taking the mick out of people who do commit Suicide
    to you its just a joke ,At least Mo has brought some pride back to this country ,what
    have you done . Only ridicule people with mental illness .

  4. Hilarious people are replying to this as if it’s a genuine article. I would think these are the same people that tune in to I’m a celebrity, big brother and follow the kardashians.
    We are doomed lol