EU milker and former leader of has been political party UKIP, Nigel Farage has gotten all salty after the government refused to give him a job on the say so of his buddy Donald Trump.
“Ladies, Gents, Lords and… diplomats” the anti-establishment hero told a gathering at The Ritz, “We’ve got a problem. In America the revolution is total. Obama and all those ghastly people, are out and my bezzy mate is in. He says I am highly relevant! You should all jolly well listen or I’ll set him on you!”
Nigel recently showed just how relevant he was by blowing over a grand referencing an advert for a chocolate, made by the makers of Nutella, from the 80s.
“I am not sure what is going to happen over the course of the next couple of years but I suspect there’s another big seismic shock if people in power don’t stop ignoring me and accept my relevance! I’m important, damn it! Donald is my friend!”
The rubber-faced irritant also said that he would scream and scream and scream if the government, which insists that Brexit means Brexit and that intends to ensure that the UK leaves the EU, doesn’t ensure that the UK leaves the EU.
“It is unfinished business – the people have spoken but the establishment don’t want to listen,” he said of the establishment that is doing exactly what he has spent the last decade banging on about, “There are great battles to be fought and I’m going to go on fighting those battles because of how utterly relevant I still am!”
Another man of the people, gazillionaire Insurance kangaroo (and definitely not the Aaron Banks from the Panama Papers, no sir; a totally different one) Aaron Banks hosted the reception at the Ritz which was attended by Tory MPs Jacob Rees-Mogg and Peter Bone- stop giggling, Labour Leave’s John Mills and slap-headed UKIP climate denier Paul Nuttall.
Recalling breakfast the day after the Brexit vote (also at The Ritz) Nige said: “For those of you who aren’t particularly happy with what happened in 2016, I’ve got some really bad news for you, it’s going to get a bloody sight worse next year. Mwaaa haaa haaa haaa! MWAAA HAAAAA HA HAAAAA HAAAAAAAARGH HAAAAAAAARGH!”
Note for people reading this after 2016: Nigel Farage was famous for being one of Trump’s sycophants and campaigning to leave the EU.
