Katie Hopkins, lead reporter from the Daily Mail, claims she has discovered a link between children who use Lego and Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Katie gloated as she explained her discovery.
“I can’t say too much at this stage, but there will be an exclusive in the Mail on Sunday. I’m so excited. I feel just like Marie Fleming, or was it Alexander Curie?” Ms Hopkins guffawed.
“Anyway, no matter, but let’s just say I will be calling for an immediate ban on all Lego.”
Lauren Pokes, the Rochdale Herald’s Australian correspondent, pressed Ms Hopkins for further elaboration.
“So long as it stays strictly between you and me, Lauren,” Ms Hopkins said, with a wink. “Besides you’re so far away that no-one will hear about it till its long-since hit the British headlines.
Since Lego banned all advertising with The Mail for some stupid reason, I did some investigating. I began by going to see the Lego movie and then it happened! Just before the end, I had an epiphany. Right there in the cinema!”
“And what was this epiphany?”
“It all starts with Duplo.”
“What has Duplo got to do with autism?”
“Everything,” said Ms Hopkins. “Are you a bit slow or something?”
“Look, I’ll explain it in simple English. Kids begin with Duplo, before moving onto Lego. That’s when Autism sets in. It’s a plot by the manufacturers who are in cahoots with Big Pharmaceutical. It’s similar to the Coudenhove-Kalergi Plan.”
“But how does that even make sense?”
“Oh for goodness sake, Lauren. It makes perfect sense. Just ask Daily Mail readers.”
“Thank you for your time, Ms Hopkins.”
