Former non-dom tax shy billionaire’s son and general Tory role model Zac Goldsmith has resigned from his position as a Tory MP after the government agreed to go ahead with a third runway at Heathrow Airport.
“I am resigning as a representative of the Conservative Party because I don’t like this majority Conservative Party policy of supporting a third runway at Heathrow, which none of the other local Conservative Party members like either,” explained the posh ex-Ecologist editor, most famed for his dog whistle racism during the London Mayoral election, “I said I would resign if they supported it when I campaigned for this seat and I jolly well intend to keep my expensive word and force a by-election.”
The Conservative Party are not fielding a candidate against Mr Goldsmith in the constituency; he is seeking re-election as an Independent Conservative.
This means that Mr Goldsmith will be fighting against only other people who also don’t support the third runway, in a safe Conservative seat.
“Obviously we’re all going to vote for Zac,” said almost every single person asked, “So that when he’s MP he can vote with the government on every single issue apart from this one.”
“And rejoin the party when this has all blown over,” added a random passing stranger in a boater.
We asked the Independent Conservative what was the point in his resignation, given that he wouldn’t be standing against pro 3rd runway people anyway and that he could simply not vote or vote nay on this one issue even if he hadn’t resigned.
“Er…” said Mr Goldsmith, “Would you like to see my guitar amp? It goes up to eleven.”
