As part of the government’s recently launched Fu*k Business initiative, the University of Burnley is offering a 5 Year degree course in fruit picking, including a year of ‘On The Job’ training.
Ian Jaggs, speaking for the University, explained that post-Brexit many well paid technical jobs were moving back to the Eurozone, leaving the University of Burnley uniquely placed to fill the complete lack of skills gap.
He added, “We’ve been able to retain three Romanian fruit pickers, under licence, as visiting professors in fruit picking. Our objective is to ensure our students become the best fruit pickers in the world.
“We see this degree as allowing our students to become multi-skilled, unskilled workers and envisage them branching out from fruit picking to also work as shelf-stackers, litter collectors, stadium cleaners and, for the brightest students, Amazon Customer Fulfilment Personnel.”
The degree level course is aimed at skilled engineers and technicians, whose jobs will disappear post-Brexit.
Ian explained, “Many of those working in these fields would, normally, find themselves over-qualified for a career in fruit picking. This course will introduce them to a whole new field.”
One floppy haired Government Minister expressed his delight that the Fu*k Business initiative was being so readily adopted by the University of Burnley. He went on to say “This is the kind of entrepreneurial spirit the government wants to stimulate, by leaving the EU. What Ho!”
He added, “Our country owes a debt of gratitude to those brave Brexiteers who would gladly lose their well-paid jobs, with holiday pay and pension benefits, so they can do back breaking work for minimum wage on a zero hours contract. This British spirit will show Johnny Foreigner we don’t need him.”
Mr Jaggs confirmed that, whilst the degree was aimed at re-training skilled workers, the course was open to the unskilled people of Burnley.
Although, there would have to be extra training to teach them what a fruit is.
