Boris Johnson’s office has revealed that the Government will award the contract to build a bridge between Britain and France to construction company and Tory party favourite Carillion.
The decision has come as a suprise to many as Carillon collapsed earlier this week and is currently in the hands of the administrator.
A spokesperson for Mr Johnson gave us this press release anonymously:
“My transport policy is tremendous, little short of superb. Those workers at Carillion are looking for something positive and this announcement is that. Positive news, and anybody pointing out that it maybe strange to appoint a company that recently collapsed to build a bridge this size should stop talking the bridge down. Get behind the bridge.”
One bridge building expert said, “This is clearly unfeasible. It’s got to go over one of the busiest shipping lanes in the world. It would need to be huge. Nevermind the cost. This is obviously Boris feeling he hasn’t been getting much attention recently so he’s come up with this ludicrous idea to get back amongst the headlines.”
Apparently, Mr Johnson’s response to the experts who said the idea was too impractical was to call them “knot-pated muggleswicks”.
After it was pointed out that a company in liquidation probably wasn’t a good choice to build a bridge, we are told that Mr Johnson said, “These experts are just being anti-British. This country has a great history of ambitious engineering projects. From Brunel to the Austin Allegro estate. If we pull together and believe then it will happen.”
The Government for their part, deny ever having met Mr Johnson.
