Following the announcement that Labour leadership challenger Owen Smith has promised to hold a second referendum on Brexit if he topples Jeremy Corbyn in the upcoming Labour leadership battle, local Rochdale UKIP supremo Mohammed Masud has hit back with the ultimatum that if Smith’s plans come to fruition he will instantly call for a THIRD referendum.
“We lied through our teeth to get people to back Brexit, if there’s a second referendum there’s no way people will be dumb enough to fall for all of our spurious bullsh*it a second time, at least not so close to the first one. Non existent extra money pledged for the NHS, whitewashing and completely ignoring facts like immigrants contributing 5bn more to the economy than they take out, the amount it costs us every week to remain in the EU compared with what we actually get back, Turkey joining the EU; we made the lot of it up, and the thick sods swallowed it all hook, line and sinker.”
“If we’d have told them that North Korea want to join as well and while we’re on the subject, the moon is hollow and full of sherry trifle, they’d have believed that. That’s why I’m pretty confident that given time, I’m sure we can sucker the gullible bast*ards again. We just need to come up with a new bogeyman to make people want to leave the EU, like space aliens or killer wasps or something.”
In the event of a third referendum not resulting in a Brexit decision, Masud has proposed a fourth referendum in the form of a national ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’ tournament to be held in Rochdale’s Springfield Park. Based on a ‘winner takes all’ format, preliminary rounds are set to begin in March of 2017 and finish up sometime during the mid 2020s prior to Article 50 being triggered.
