Budget pay and pray airline, Ryanair have decided to cancel flights due to staff realising their pay and conditions could be significantly improved if they no longer worked there.
In a show of solidarity with its fellow travel company however, Southern Rail immediately offered their long running and utterly useless, bus replacement service.
Southern Rail spokesman, Manny Feltersnatch spoke to the Rochdale Herald about their gesture and the reasons for it.
“We wanted to help Michael O’Leary to ensure continuity of Ryanair’s business model of shafting the general public. Plus it gives us that all important foothold in the flying business, should we wish to expand and put more innocent lives at risk.
I’m sure they’ll accept. In terms of useless services, we’ve got the most to offer and this time, they will be able to learn a thing or two from us. I’m surprised a ridiculous idea like this hasn’t been thought of before. Between O’Leary and Stelios, they clearly have the idiotic brainstorming corner of the market covered.”
Jellyhead champion Michael O’Leary was unfortunately unavailable for comment, however we caught up with Sir Stelios, founder of EasyJet.
“I wish I’d have thought of something like this. In the long run it will be cheaper to fund and will involve less training for pilots. Aside from taking 3 days to get to Alicante from Dublin, where’s the downside?”
An unknown source within Ryanair has since emailed the Rochdale Herald and has revealed they may be trialing Pilotless Flights from as early as 2020. Our guess is they will be passenger-less flights too.
