Wayne Rooney has announced that he intends to spend more time with other peoples grandmothers after retiring from international football.
Rooney explained, “I’ve been all over the world with England. I’ve eaten kebabs in far flung places and got into fights in bars whose locations I can’t spell, like Wembley. I’ve got to the age where it’s getting harder and harder to recover. It’s difficult to service a care home and play football. People don’t realise how hard it is. ”
It’s alleged Rooney will spend the time he otherwise would have spent training and playing for England, with other peoples family members. He’s enrolled on a care course run by age concern so that he is able to provide adequate care for his conquests.
Rooney has also been offered a job advising on Brexit. David Davis said, “Wayne’s experience of exiting tournaments in Europe will have been excellent preparation for Brexit negotiations. I really could do with someone on my team who can give a really glum press conference.”
Rooney had previously revealed how he’s looking forward to more time to spend with his remaining hair and do a correspondence course in philosophy.
