A Rochdale champagne socialist has accidentally revealed that the cost of scrapping tuition fees would be £100bn. Anthony Taylor-Twyford revealed the cost at a press conference after consuming too much warm Prosecco.
Speaking to the Herald he said, “I’m used to Champagne. That goes to your head but you’re still able to function. But warm Prosecco went to my head and the next thing I knew I’d blurted it out.”
Mr Taylor-Twyford was quick to lay the blame at the door of the Labour Party events committee who organised the catering. “Look, serious political events require champagne. The party is clearly trying to market itself to the 18-45 prosecco consumer. I understand that but it does mean you end up with an atmosphere like a scouser’s hen party. And as always happens at scouse hen parties somebody, that being me, is sick on their shoes. They should get better caterers.”
A Labour Party spokesman told us, “Anthony made a terrible judgement call. He should know that you don’t tell the truth about the cost of things. If you get asked for the detail you at least be a little vague. We’ll probably have to deselect him now.”
It’s not clear what deselection means for somebody who isn’t an MP but documents obtained by the Herald suggest that Taylor-Twyford will be tried by a People’s Assembly, publicly denounced as an enemy of the people shortly afterwards and either shot or exiled to Stockport the same afternoon.
