In light of the slim Conservative majority, primary school children up and down the nation awake today uncertain of their future meal prospects.
“Will I still get some fish fingers, chips and peas at dinner time?” Said Lucy Withering, a 6 year old attending St Nicholas primary school.
“In a word, No” said Steven McNasty, the aide to the Education Secretary “You’re going to have forage for berries in the bushes at the far end of the playing field, or attempt to catch pigeons and cook it over a Bunsen burner. It’s not the government’s responsibility to feed you brats, if it were possible, we’d have you working behind cotton looms again like the good old days.”
Helen Dafty of the PTA asked the aide “What about the breakfast allowance outlined in the manifesto?”
McNasty replied “We’ve set around 4p per child. We have also sealed a contract with local waste management companies; basically we’ve found a brilliant solution to recycling cardboard and ensuring every child has something to chew on at 8am every morning.”
