Labour bosses have signed up Gary Lineker to work his magic on the election.
I recently caught up with the twinkle-toed Twitter troll while he was at work on his family’s fruit and veg stall on Leicester market. Gary is well known for his footballing exploits, but not many people know of his debilitating addiction to crisps.
“It all started off as just a bit of fun,” Gary explained frankly. “But before long I found myself doing all-night Monster Munch binges. Walkers started to pay my fees in Cheese & Onion. Then I moved on to the really hard stuff. Pringles,” he murmured darkly. At this point he subconsciously reached for a packet. “Gary, no!” barked his father. “Leave the McCoy’s alone!”
So, the election, Gary: “Yes, I like a 5000-1 shot,” he said, coming back down to earth. “Doing Match of the Day in my pants worked for Leicester City, I don’t see why it shouldn’t work for Labour.” The dreamy look returned to his eyes. “Leicester City. Salt & Victory. Vardy Salted. mmmmmm. happy days,” he sighed.
I contacted the Match of the Day production team, but was assured that Alan Shearer doesn’t get his kit off for anyone but Mrs Shearer, Jermaine Jenas is worried that if he followed (birthday) suit the puns on his name would never end, and nobody wants to see Danny Murphy in the buff.
I left the market with a bag of oranges, three pounds of new potatoes and Gary’s confident assertion that we would see a strong and stable election.
