News of the go ahead for the green energy scheme at Swansea Tidal Lagoon has set heads spinning in Right On Brighton Pavilions today.
“I’ll chain myself to some kelp to stop this going ahead” fumed Green Party MP Caroline Lucas.
“The harm that this will do to Green Party coherence in Brighton Pavilions will be incalculable” she added. “The luvvies and darlings can’t find their arse with a map and both hands on a good day, so how are they supposed to make a decision between handwringing virtue signalling and the actual delivery of a sustainable green energy project that is financed by private enterprise?”
Green Party activist Tisiphone Broccoli said “If the Tories deliver on a Green energy scheme that all our hot air and bluster has failed to deliver after all those years of baked lentil activism” stormed Ms Broccoli, 17 “I won’t know where to put my pencil on election day.”
“If I can be arsed to get out of bed and cast my vote” she added.
“The Tories are showing their true colours by allowing this to go ahead” ranted Fungus McCrotch. “They have selected a site at sea where they know it’s impossible for us to form a protest camp. My 25 yards swimming certificate has expired and we haven’t any wellies because we sent them all to Calais.”
“I am at wits end with this” stated party activist Ian Matitzoff “‘I’ve practiced my posturing for years and based it on a delusion that Brighton sets the social and political agenda of Britain. Now those Tory bastards are stealing our ideas but worse than that they are making them real.”
“Really. I’d rather not have this wretched scheme if the consequences are that the Tories can call it their own.”
Further divisions within the Green Party are expected next week when The Great Brighton Bake Off sees finalists offering aduki bean gateaux and mung bean tiramisu to judges.
