In preparation for his inauguration ceremony, President elect Trump has commissioned Fabergé, the esteemed and historic jewellery makers to the Russian emperors, to craft him the “biggliest and most expensive selfie stick in the world ever”.

It is rumoured that Russian president Vladimir Putin has also had some input with reducing the cost “for reasons of diplomacy and as a goodwill gesture”.

The Pentagon has voiced security concerns about having a Russian made device which will be upon the person of the POTUS, but this has been sharply rebuffed by Trump:

“They’re just jealous of my long golden stick, and they don’t like that I’m friends with Vladimir. Vladimir says he loves my hair and what a great leader I am. He’s a great guy, a clever guy folks.

“I’m gonna be trending huge on Twitter with the selfies folks, huge. The main aim of the night will be Twitter meltdown… Melt. Down.”

It is rumoured the stick will be studded with a diamond for every pussy that Trump has grabbed, though the length of the stick, which will extend to a mammoth 2 metres at full stretch, is not thought to be relevant.

As a novelty bonus, the stick will have a mysterious flashing LED at one end and will be battery-powered with accompanying charger accessory.

Of course, the most important part of the inauguration will be the solemn swearing-in and oath to sanctify the office of the most powerful person in the world, but doubtless Donald Trump will make it all about how great Donald Trump is.

The world gingerly awaits the impending circus show this Friday.

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