Jeremy Corbyn has been found alive and well and working in a branch of B&Q. The DIY store is well known for its positive policies of employing older workers but it still came as a surprise to many.
Stan Still, a cashier at the B&Q branch said, “He came in for his first day and I thought he looked familiar but I couldn’t work it out. Then my girlfriend saw him and couldn’t believe I didn’t realise it was Corbyn. I thought he’d died or something last year so I was quite happy to hear he was still going. I Can’t believe he still leads the Labour party.”
Customer Frank White said, “I walked in and asked this old guy that worked there if he could help me decide which shed to buy for my allotment. As he’s explaining the pros and cons of buying a soft wooden shed or a plastic shed to me realised who it was. It’s that bloke with all the bread and fishes from Glastonbury last year. I was amazed because he’s a bit like the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Everyone loved him for about 6 months but now you’re totally over it. I still got a selfie with him though.”
Manager Bill Board said, “Jeremy quite likes the basic functionality of B&Q. From High Court Judges to the lowest paid worker everyone needs a screw at some time. If Jeremy can be of any help facilitating the needs of the public then he does. It’s really great to see plus he was getting lonely in the Labour Party so he asked if he could come and do a couple of hours a week to wind down. Although, he did spend 4 hours in a shed the other day when he thought he spied Diane Abbot at the other side of the shop.”
Labour spokesperson Hollie Gollisticks said, “This is another demonstration of Jeremy being authentic. He’s at home in Parliament debating the issues of the day or advising people on the type of hammer action drill they require he’s comfortable. Anybody who turns this into a joke wants decking.”
It’s alleged that Theresa May has applied to Maplin Electronics for a job.
