New depths of smugness have been plumbed by a man in Clitheroe who gave up smoking on the 1st of January.
Tomothy Morning-Wood, who had been a smoker for over 30 years until January 2018, decided that it was time to kick the habit and took the plunge on New Year’s Day, vowing never to smoke again.
Spencer Twicenightly, a regular at Tomothy’s local pub, told The Rochdale Herald “We’re done with that dickhead.”
Spencer explained how Tomothy had “been through the whole snarky, tetchy, angry stage” fairly quickly.
“He was such a grumpy prick that a lot of his friends just gave up there and then but a few of us stuck with him.
“Once that was over we thought we’d got the old Tomothy back but no. As soon as he’d kicked the nicotine out of his system and got over the withdrawal he became this arsehole, evangelical ‘ex-smoker’ who has to lecture us on how bad smoking is for your health.
“For christ’s sake, he’d been smoking from the age of 14 until a couple of weeks ago, now he’s become some sort of Jehovah’s Dogend. He’s going to catch the back of my hand if he doesn’t shut up. I can’t be arsed with him any more.”
Tomothy told us “I feel so alive. I don’t know how anyone could smoke, the poisons you put in your body…. Did you know that every cigarette contains enough Formaldehyde to embalm a dozen Chihuahuas?”
We would have spoken to Tomothy longer but our photographer, who smokes 20 a day, wanted to punch him in the face.
