Boris Johnson has apologised for his “sneeze” during comments about a bus full of British women on holiday in Saudi Arabia.

The foreign secretary said he was no doubt that the bus full of young women were in the country to teach women how to do lap dancing, not holidaying visiting relatives like it says on their visas.

The families of the 32 tourists said the comments by “that buffoon” couldn’t possibly be true because “he was the one who said them.”

Speaking in the House of Commons, Johnson said: “Ah yes. Zoinks and gadzooks. I was talking to King Abdullah what’s his face and I sneezed and dropped my notes. I started talking about a bus full of visiting dancers from Poland and he seems to have got the wrong end of the old stick.”

“I hope the House will understand with crystal clarity that the 32 women facing the death penalty in Saudi Arabia because of my boob about Pole dancers, as in dancers who are Polish, are not there to teach women how to do pole dancing.”

“They are in fact there on official business as spies to undermine the Saudi government and effect regime change because they gave the Aramco listing gig to the New York Stock Exchange and not London.”

“Insofar that people got a different impression, it was my mistake, I should have been clearer. I apologise for the distress and anguish caused. I hope that clears things up.”

“Oh blast and bother, these are the wrong notes again.”

 

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.