Two fire engines along with police and ambulance crews were called to the centre of Dublin after reports came in that a man had vanished up his own arse.

A number of people were treated for shock after emergency services were called out.

A fire services spokesman said: “Dublin Fire and Rescue Service was called to an unfortunate incident in the middle of Dublin today. It seems a man became so self-righteous that his own arse ate his head in the city centre. It wasn’t pretty.”

“Two fire engines attended the scene but despite their best efforts and specialist cutting equipment they weren’t able to free the man’s head from between his own buttocks.”

“The Garda were also in attendance. Several officers were treated for hysterical laughter at the scene.”

“Emergency services were unable to stop the man’s ego pulling him entirely inside out.”

A Garda spokesman said: “We were made aware that an Irishman was caught in the gravitational pull of his own parsimonious hypocrisy in the city centre.”

“The incident occurred whilst the man was mansplaining running a republic and handing back the keys to the city. His KBE got caught in the vortex whilst he was looking up his own arsehole and it just sort of dragged him in.”

“It seems he was shouting something about how controlling members of a despotic and murderous military junta was much easier than organising a gig just as the ribbon on his KBE got tangled.”

“Don’t wear lose clothes around rotating machinery kids. The good news is the Mayor was able to get the keys to the city back.”

“Officers are currently at the scene with mops trying to get what’s left of Bob Geldof off the steps of the town hall.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.