With the advent of the all new ‘mute button’, passive, aggressive bitches everywhere are in their element.

We spoke to one such angry woman, 32 year old Jemima McHunt, who told us “you’ve got no clue what it’s like having to herd cats on the Internet. Before Facebook launched the mute button, I was only abusing my powers by deleting posts, and sending out stroppy messages to others. If they really irked me, I would just remove them from the group. Now I have the option to mute anyone who irritates me even slightly. It’s great because it annoys the hell out of them that they can see everything, but can’t comment, or engage in discussion. This is far better for my ego than simply removing members.”.

Jemima runs a group called “Earth Mothers against everything that can keep your child healthy (EMAETCKYCA)”. The group currently has 1,250 members. Nope, 1,249. 1,248. Topics most frequently covered are whether immunisations are really just made of the trail of ooze left behind by slugs, and how best to burn government provided learning materials for homeschooled children.

As a shambles of a mother, I was granted access to EMAETCKYCA, and quickly found that all admin in that group are the passive aggressive type. One member had posted about feeding her newborn baby on a diet consisting entirely of avocado and prayer, because she had been unable to breastfeed. It was very clear the 24 year old was skating on thin ice for not using her breasts, but members had risen to the occasion to help this member through her ordeal.

I suggested that maybe formula was a more suitable option. I immediately received a message from another admin, Matilda St. John, telling me my comment had been removed, and that the group don’t advocate anything that can ensure a child survives beyond the age of 2. As punishment I was to be ‘muted’ for 72 hours.

I asked Jemima why this was. “We’ve been giving birth since the dawn of time. We don’t need all these faddy things to help us be mums. Seriously. What did children do before vaccines and formula were invented?”.

Unfortunately I was then banned from the group because I informed Jemima that children tended to die in infancy before vaccinations and formula were readily available.

With the interview at an abrupt end, Jemima did leave me with this final, angry comment:

“Look, I’m the admin. I can do whatever I want. If I don’t like someone, they’re gone. If someone disagrees with me, they’re gone. I didn’t become admin of the group to allow lively debate which goes against my rhetoric. Members either toe the line and agree with me utterly, or they can leave the group. I didn’t sign up to help people. I wield supreme power over whether other members see what someone has to say. If you’re telling me you wouldn’t do that if you were admin, you’re deluded.”

Jemima then hung up.

She said she had just seen someone had posted a picture of a baby wearing a disposable nappy and informed me she would now be too busy to complete the interview.

Should admin be able to hold such power? Tell us in the comments.