The Department of Health issued a press release this morning announcing that all NHS hospitals were to begin retailing postcards in order to capitalise on the booming health tourism market.
“With an estimated five hundred million billion foreign people a year visiting the U.K. specifically to tour NHS trusts it’s been decided to capitalise on this booming market with a line of tasteful postcards and souvenirs,” Mr A Drone, spokes boy for health secretary Jeremy Rhymes-With informed the assembled press.
“Other plans include setting up some of those little character boards with holes cut out for faces so visitors to NHS attractions can have their photos taken pretending to be doctors and nurses.”
The postcards will retail for ten thousand pounds each and payment will only be possible via a complex web of offshore bank accounts that terminates in anonymous accounts held in secretive tax havens, with the proceeds recycled to private health firms slowly buying the NHS piecemeal.
“It’s a great new funding initiative that will capitalise on all those sneaky foreigners who plan their illnesses long term in order to take advantage of our compassion as a people.”
It’s thought NHS staff will also be ordered to attend ‘dehumanising’ courses in order to make them more receptive to other changes planned for front line health services across England.
“Just because you repeat robotically the boast about being the fifth richest country on Earth every opportunity possible doesn’t mean some dodgy foreign Miss should scam a free aspirin.” Mr Drone added, “At least if we can twist their arms into purchasing a tasteful surgically themed postcard then we can perhaps profit off their invidious desire to be treated by a doctor who has sterilised medical equipment.”
Further ideas will be forthcoming, but it’s believed the possibility to pose with Jeremy Hunt while he undergoes a groundbreaking procedure to install a beating heart will be exceptional popular with staycation tourists.
