Apple today announced a new generation of iPhone: The iPhone Glitch.

The new iPhone Glitch will deliver today all of the update-delivered ‘enhancements’ that customers have previously had to wait for their Warranty to lapse before receiving. These include; · Apps Hanging; Crashing · Random Contact Deletion · 25% Advertised Battery Life · Automatic Important Call Recognition with Auto Screen Freeze · Massive Unexplained Data Bills from your Service Provider · The Heat Generation of a Small Nuclear Fission Reactor Apple Head of Delight Actualisation.

Tammi Twenti-Summut said; “It has long been noticed by our customers on 2 year contracts that they had to wait precisely 53 weeks to start getting the full Apple iPhone Delight Experience. This left them only 11¾ Months to build up the excitement of restarting the whole cycle.

Well no more!” she gasped “‘The new iPhone Glitch is one of the ways we’re evolving our experience to better meet the wants and desires of customers, assuming they want a part working phone and desire massive ongoing bills for the privilege.

We’re creating an Instant Potential Upgrade Scenario, where everyone can get frustrated with their device for the entire length of the contract. This shows how Apple comes together to connect with that desire, delivers a new passion, and takes your bill to the next level. We think it will be a fun and enlightening experience for everyone” she enthused.

The new phone features shiny glass and a pretty aluminium design in three beautiful colours that will never be seen through your leather case. Made out of the most durable glass ever the screen will survive a drop that the rest of it won’t, which may seem a little pointless to you, but really; you just aren’t seeing the bigger picture are you and you might not be “Appley” enough to own one?

This is designed for the ultimate augmented delight personalised local yet global people centric experience but I bet you don’t even know what that means, do you?

The new device will be available for pre-order beginning Friday 31st November. Are you sure you are really cool enough to get it?