Mr Henry Bolt-on was celebrating tonight after having managed the milestone event of third longest serving UKIP leader, even though he was only elected leader at lunch time yesterday.
Mr Bolt-on is said to be out celebrating the achievement by attempting not to say anything bigoted or racist or talking about bringing back the death penalty for draft dodgers.
And there are great tidings for his tenure as seat warmer for Nigel, as he has the backing of Mr Farage personally, who is said to be waiting for the Brexit process to fail before resuming leadership of a party that was bad enough with him, but has been positively incontinent since.
An aide for Mr. Bolt-on told the Herald how he has been preparing for power.
“Mostly we’ve been erasing his MySpace account. You know he claimed to have recovered from rabies in 2005 by biting the ear off a bat? He also said he was the chief engineer behind the bouncing bombs that were used by the dambusters in WW2.
“Also, he claims to have been Alec Guinness’s voice coach for his star role as a dotty old lady in ‘The Ladykillers’. We’re still at it. Don’t even get me started on his 500,000 word opus called ‘Bolted Thoughts’!”
And although leading a party of insane people who have been vital as tools for the near achievement of the aims of offshore, tax haven loving, right wing billionaires, Mr. Bolt-on is keen to put his own stamp on British society.
“He’s releasing a UKIP tool kit to help raise the profile of the party again. There’s only spanners in it and one spoon, which you have to fight over if there’s more than two of you in the same room at any one time.”
