Experts have announced that irony is dead. The announcement came after a UKIP MEP said that Britain would be plunged back to the early 1900’s should Jeremy Corbyn be elected Prime Minister.
A spokesman for UKIP today sought to clarify the position. “When we said that Britain would be plunged back to the early 1900’s we meant all the bad stuff. Things like 20 people living in a room in a slum. Diseases such as TB thriving, workhouses and world war one.
We didn’t mean all the good stuff we’d like brought back like capital punishment and corporal punishment. Obviously we’d love it if women knew their place, wearing tweed was more acceptable, colonials remained in their colonies, the good bits of the Empire, the working classes were kept in check and gays weren’t a thing. That’s what we’d like.”
Dr Frederick Seddon of Rochdale Community University told us, “You see, UKIP don’t really do irony. This isn’t the first time they’ve done this. They say they’re pro-choice and anti-establishment. They’re now led by an ex-army and ex-police officer. This suggests they’ll be hugely authoritarian and heavily into uniform rather than freedom to choose.
A lot of their members say they voted leave so the money sent to the EU could be used on the NHS. Jeremy Corbyn would do exactly that but they won’t vote for him because he’s a socialist who intends to build a socialist paradise. That would also involve giving loads of money to the NHS but they’re not interested in that.”
UKIP also announced that they intend to use their current party conference as a way of attracting younger voters. A spokesman said, “We sat and thought, what do young people do? Corbyn did Glastonbury. We thought young people love Torquay. That’s why our party conference is here. It’s been a real success so far. I spoke to an 56 year old the other day. He’s so young he has a black friend.”
UKIP refused to comment on the allegations that they are all for Democracy as long as views expressed are in alignment with UKIP.
