The BBC’s most insightful political journalist has been discovered to be a species of parrot and awarded a delightful new name today by natural historians.
Avian studies experts from the Rochdale Museum of Modern Natural History, who specialise in the discovery of new species in urban environments, have decided to rename Ms Kuenssberg ‘Theresas Repetitious ad nauseous’.
We sent our office cocker spaniel Trevor to interview lead researcher Dr Phil at the museum to find out more.
Trevor : Why the new handle?
Dr Phil : Don’t youlisten to the BBC or follow Laura on Twitter?
Trevor : No. I am a cocker spaniel. I spend most of my time running in baffled circles and wetting myself with excitement. Can you explain it for me?
Dr Phil : Of course. I’ve spoken to many talking animals before. I did my apprenticeship with Dr Doolittle. I’ll be happy to oblige. You want a bowl of water first?
Trevor : Just get on with it. I’ve got to get to the BMA later to interview a sexual health specialist about a new vaccine designed to stop the transmission of UKIP in the elderly.
Dr Phil : Well, we’ve done exhaustive research. We’ve spent a week listening to Laura on the BBC and following her on Twitter. She repeats everything Theresa May says as if it’s actually political insight. It’s very impressive, for a parrot. She appears to have no ability to dissect any statement made by the Prime Minister, just like a parrot, she can only learn the word noises and mimic.
Trevor : Sounds a bit obvious? She came to our office to interview for a researcher’s internship a few years back and I could tell by her smell instantly she was avian of some variety. Oh, and she was in a cage being carried by a woman in a wig who I would have sworn blind smelt just like the Prime Minister.
Dr Phil : You’re a clever boy. Do you want a biscuit?
Trevor : No thanks. I’m watching my weight.
Dr Phil : I should give you a new Latin name too.
Trevor : I’m pretty happy with Trevor. So Laura is a new species of parrot?
Dr Phil : You catch on fast.
Trevor : Just throw that tennis ball there and I’ll show you.
