Number 10 have confirmed today that Theresa May’s teeth are well and truly gritted and not coming unstuck anytime soon.
Whilst seen as a potential aid to her speech in Florence on Thursday based on the premise that she is unlikely to have anything useful to add to the Brexit process, there are real concerns as to her performance at this Wednesday’s PMQs with a curtailed ability to guffaw like a deranged lunatic at her own appalling jokes and when anyone on the opposition benches questions the fairness of her systematic punishment of the poor for her own failings.
She is said to have succumbed to the condition after having to reassure everyone yesterday that the hapless Foreign Secretary could keep his job after he had made a blatant attempt to undermine her Brexit position with a conveniently timed article that suggested that Boris may have now discovered the whereabouts of Theresa’s Magic Money Tree.
In the article, Boris resurrected the £350 million a week Battle Bus promise which will supposedly come from exiting the EU. Party insiders are convinced that Boris would have been well aware that the text issuing forth from his pen were a blatant lie so the only possible explanation is that Boris has, after weeks of painstaking research, discovered the Magic Money Tree which was last used by Theresa to conjure up a billion pounds to pay the DUP to support the Tories (when they can be bothered).
Mrs May’s gritted teeth are causing further issues as she has been unable to drink the blood from a new-born child for the past 24 hours and it is rumoured that her powers may be waning as a result.
As well as seeking a way to un-grit her teeth she has been spotted trying to locate a spine so that she can revisit the whole Boris/Job scenario that caused her the problem in the first place.
We contacted the Foreign Office for comment, but Boris was not available, much to the relief of this Rochdale Herald’s reporter’s already tired keyboard.