A bloke whose job it was to piss off two tonne bulls managed to piss off a two tonne bull to the extent that it squashed him in Lisbon earlier today.

Fernando Quintela, 26, got into a bullring with a 530kg bull wearing a spangly shirt and a stupid green hat in order to provoke the bull into charging at him.

Unsurprisingly the bull charged at him, picked him up and gored him to death in what some observers are describing as “one of the most idiotic things they have ever seen.”

“He did what?” One observer asked. “He got into a bullring, unarmed, wearing a spangly jacket and a green hat to deliberately provoke a gigantic terrified bull into charging at him? That sounds like a stupid way to die.”

Mr Fernando Qunitela, lunatic, was acting as a “forcado” when he was gored to death by a gigantic, terrified, confused and tortured bull.

According to Wikipedia forcados are a bunch of idiots whose job it is jump around in front of bulls wearing stupid clothes during the opening ceremonies of bullfights, some of them even jump onto the bulls themselves.

“It seems pretty reasonable to me that a bull should be allowed to squish pretty much anybody it wants to if it’s in the bullring trying to piss it off.” Said some bloke in the Baum pub in Rochdale.

“I mean, they’re winding it up so that they can kill it with a sword later. Seems reasonable that the bull might trample or gore somebody to death from time to time. Karma, innit.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.