The Bank of England announced this morning that Prime Minister Theresa May will feature on a new two pound banknote timed for release in April 2019.
The banknote will be nicknamed ‘lost and found’ and will be worth only one pound upon release due to the launch coinciding with Brexit.
The Rochdale Herald’s Cash is Great correspondent spoke to a representative of the Bank of England to learn more.
“Lost and found is old cockney slang for a nicker.” Mr Bank Notes explained. “So it’s the perfect nickname for the new two pound bill featuring Tessa’s boat race.”
It’s rumoured the note will not be gluten free and will contain animal fat, or tallow, specially mined from the giant fatberg of lost dreams currently clogging up the sewers under Whitechapel.
Critics of the design also point out that the contractor picked to supply the paper is known for poor quality, thin paper that tears under pressure with the resulting parts spinning in constant u turns.
Fears over forgeries are also being raised, as only standard biro ink will be used in the printing to save on costs, meaning anyone can basically cut a bit of thin paper into rectangles and draw one for themselves.
But Mr Bank Notes is not discouraged.
“The ability for people to make money for themselves is going to be vital in 2019 when the current crop of MPs have succeeded in crashing the economy with Brexit to keep a bunch of offshore tax evaders happy. I’m personally going to be investing heavily in biro stocks. Not only will I make a packet selling them to wannabe counterfeiters, but I’ll be able to re-purpose the pen barrels into blowpipes to dart my food.”
The Bank of England will also be issuing several gold plated special editions of the notes which will immediately be sent offshore for safekeeping.
