Reports this morning out of Downing Street say firefighters were called last night after a woman became stuck between two windows attempting to retrieve a policy document.
The woman has not been named, but an insider in the Prime Minister’s office said that she was middle aged, grey haired, long limbed and has an irrational hatred of anyone not born in a small English village.
The document concerned is an effort to appease the woman and was described as follows,
“Solid. Brown in colour. Rather smelly. Difficult to get rid of. Basically your classic little Englander’s xenophobia. Business leaders will hate it, but Ukippers will see it as getting one hand on the holy grail. That’s because they are economically illiterate or currency speculators.”
The Rochdale Herald contacted Westminster Fire Station for a statement on the event and were issued the following press release,
“Shortly after midnight last night fire services were called to 10 Downing Street to assist in the recovery of a woman who had become wedged between two immovable windows attempting to retrieve her real thoughts on inward migration post Brexit.”
The statement goes on to state the woman was rescued.
However, she was in such an unstable and weakened psychological condition that a medical doctor was first called to sedate her so as to ensure the safety of the firefighters extracting her from between the windows. She has been known to attack public service workers on sight in the past.
Enquiries as to the fate of the document are ongoing but rumours suggest it was contained in a lead lined box and taken to a live fire range by a bomb disposal unit, where it was destroyed in a controlled explosion.
Details of the debris remaining after the explosion were leaked to the press in an attempt to prevent any efforts to recreate it, by way of exposing the entire country at once to how it smells.
