British Prime Minister Theresa May has become embroiled in a diplomatic incident while visiting Japan after personally delivering a Home Office deportation letter to Shinzo Abe.
The Japanese Prime Minister was anticipating a polite, if irritating, dinner with Ms May, in which he would deftly deflect her desperate pleas for the promise of a free trade deal the moment the United Kingdom leaves the European Union.
The date for this is currently set at April Fool’s Day 2019, an auspicious date for such a dramatic change in Britain’s global standing, and Ms May was hoping to secure a gentleman’s agreement with Mr Abe about ongoing trading relations from this date.
An aide travelling with the Prime Minister explained the hand delivery of a deportation letter to Mr Abe as an administrative mishap.
“She was supposed to give Shinzo Abe a letter inviting him to a state visit, timed for 1st April 2019. Instead she gave him one of the numerous Home Office letters ordering immediate deportation she carries about in case she meets someone she doesn’t like the look of.”
It’s known that Ms May dislikes anyone who isn’t clearly an english rose like herself. She is well on the way to threatening the majority of the population of the United Kingdom with deportation, regardless of whether or not the individuals targeted were born in the UK.
“British is a state of mind.” The aide expanded. “Ms May can be trusted with determining your right to residence or citizenship based on your views on immigration.”
Quite how Mr Abe’s name came to be written at the top of the form deportation letter in Ms May’s hand hasn’t been explained. Experts in international diplomacy travelling with Ms May suggest it was probably an instinctive act on the part of Ms May which she may not have been fully aware of doing at the time.
“She does this whenever she meets anyone foreign.” The aide also explained. “It’s best to be prepared. You don’t want to miss an opportunity to kick some shifty alien out of the United Kingdom.”
For his part Mr Abe is said to be furious at reading the letter and is thought to have redrawn the itinerary of Ms May’s visit to Japan to include an unguided tour of Fukishima.
