Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union, David Davis, has been chosen to hold the esteemed job of Westminster Village Idiot, beating off lots of competition in what has been described by judges as a very strong field.
The job of village idiot can be performed in conjunction with that of Secretary of State for Brexit as conveniently, the duties are by identical to heading up DExEU.
An aide to EU chief negotiator Barnier had this to say,
“Mr Barnier would like to congratulate his counterpart David Davis on being awarded the additional title in conjunction with heading up Britain’s Brexit negotiations. He is sure, given how little time Mr Davis has dedicated to negotiations with the EU so far, that he will be more than able to fulfil both tasks adequately and that one will blend seamlessly into the other.”
There was disappointment for those in the running for the job who failed to seize it. Boris Johnson, Michael Gove, Jacob Rees-moog and Theresa May have been advised, not to worry, that Davis will vacate the job at some point and it will come up for grabs again. Although, as long as Liam Fox has a job, they may have a tough time grabbing the gong again.
Barnier’s aide further added,
“To be honest, it’s a great relief. We were worried Britain was just making its Brexit positions up as it went along. And now we are certain they are. Which makes stonewalling them into economic ruin or a complete u-turn on Brexit that much easier.”
Still Barnier may not have it all his own way, it’s believed Theresa May came up with a new catchphrase, in the expectation of seizing the title for herself.
“Village idiot means village idiot.”
David Davis is understood to have been generously offered the use of this phrase the next time he meets with EU officials and he’s sure to live up to it.
