Jacob Rees-moog is leading a rabble of conservative political bell ends drunk on Prosecco demanding to hear a big bell chime on the day Britain leaves the EU.
The call from a leading Brexiter and the hopefuls aligned behind him is thought to be motivated by a nagging need to finally explain what Brexit means.
“It’s the sound of a large bell end that won’t stop and tries to smother the sound of all else.” Jacob Rees-moog advised one of the Rochdale Herald Brexit is Special correspondent while waiting for Jacob’s seventh child to be born.
“If we set up some loud speakers for Brexit day at Dover and have a troupe of Nigel Farages moon the continent with each bong it will really signal our intent to begin a new relationship with the continent.”
Mr Rees-moog further intends to release a flock of headless chickens on the day Britain falls out of the EU to properly signify his vision of the country’s future.
When asked why he isn’t planning to release doves the MP for the 19th century explained that he felt a gaggle of birds perceived as dim running about with their heads chopped off better exemplified the future of the United Kingdom.
“I think it’s best we use birds that will dramatically symbolise the intense and costly squabbling that the nations of our great empire will descend into once we’ve made a misty eyed vision of a past that is as real as my manufactured comedy persona the core reason for our existence, don’t you?”
The MP went on to suggest that it would be best to have Big Ben play a patriotic song with its chimes on Brexit day and it would be perfectly reasonable to spend whatever was necessary to pull this all off even if it means half his field workers starving to death in a famine caused by an inability to afford imported food with Brexit.
Suggestions of what song could be played can be listed in the comments below.
