Downing Street have issued a statement this evening informing the great British public that Theresa May is to be replaced as Prime Minister by a slow moving and heavy rain shower.
The shower is expected to drift across the entirety of the United Kingdom over the next few days before settling across the land for an interminable period of time. Reports of brief, light showers are already coming in from the Channel islands with darker patches of cloud backing into each other behind those.
The decision is thought to have been taken to reflect the overwhelming mood of the British people much more accurately than any of the slogans repeatedly robotically by Ms May in her time at 10 Downing Street.
A spokesman for the government brought clarity to the coming change,
“Ms May doesn’t want to come back from her European holiday anyway. What with Brexit and now British Gas? She was rather hoping that Corbyn would stage some sort of communist coup while she was absent and she wouldn’t be allowed back.
She’s pretty sure if she just stays in that one sunny spot she’s found in the Alps than all of her troubles will forever seem far away.
The heavy, slow moving rain shower will still be her symbolically but only there will be no chance of some wannabe entitled character actor like Jacob Rees-Moog misplacing it and becoming Prime Minister.”
Accusations that this is yet another internal Tory party dispute played out on the national stage to everyone’s detriment have been dismissed by Downing Street.
“It will really just seem like normal late summer weather to most of the country. People will generally feel pretty relieved to know that the unrelenting damp and grey is not going to change so there’s no point in trying. It’s the natural culmination of the policies we’ve been pursuing in government since we first conned those amateurs in the Lib Dems into getting us back in the big door.”
Ms May herself did address the nation personally one last time though, taking to her personal Twitter account to issue the following statement :
“Rain shower means rain shower.”
