Prince Philip has reportedly not had a moment’s rest today as the news of the British Gas price rise forced him to tour Windsor Castle to turn all the thermostats down, before driving himself to Buckingham Palace to do the same.
At the time of reporting he is understood to have barged inside Kensington Palace and be busy haranguing the heir to the throne to do likewise, unless he wants to be known as a spendthrift little cad, like his younger brother.
Posts from the anonymous accounts of royal staff indicate that even now he is demanding to know ‘where the little redheaded bugger lives now? I bet he’s got the ruddy fire going to try and convince that American, divorcee strumpet to get her kit off so he can finally lose his cherry, rather than just pretending he has!’
Liz was said to be pretty cheesed over the whole British Gas thing too, although not because of the price hike, as her winter fuel allowance is sufficient to cover any increase in costs, but because of the choice words her husband is said to have used on her when she didn’t immediately demand the heating be switched off.
“Put a jumper on and stop fiddling with the blasted thermostat, I just got it right. If you’re that blinking cold go and walk some of those wretched dogs you insist on keeping. And I’m not talking about Fergie’s kids!”
Enquiries about what Prince Philip intended to spend his winter fuel allowance payment on if not additional heating costs yielded the following whispered answer,
“He’s already ordered a big chunk of that super iceberg to be shaved off and ferried to the palace for use in g&t’s.”
