Jeremy Corbyn is reported to be recovering this afternoon after suffering a severe bout of dizziness following the performance of a pirouette on student debt on the Andrew Marr show.
The move, designed to distract from earlier statements he has made regarding student debt, appeared to not have been as well rehearsed as the many u turns and about faces his political opponent Theresa May has achieved.
Mr Corbyn was initially treated at the scene but it soon became clear he was not going to regain balance. The extent of the acute malady was made even clearer when he made a serious of incoherent statements regarding future trade with the EU. In particular, both being outside of the EU’s single market and customs union, but achieving tariff free trade.
Students in particular have flocked to Mr Corbyn’s vision of a future UK which has taken back control after the much vaunted Brexit means Brexit policy, which Mr Corbyn is backing fully in the Commons every chance he has, has been fulfilled.
Students will only be further encouraged that the least physically threatening politician on the British stage is now far less coherent regarding his intentions to alleviate them of massive amounts of debt that none will ever repay anyway. The stress will be there though, creeping about their ankles like a zombie cat, every step they take.
Mr Corbyn was not available for comment, reportedly under sedation until he can stand steady again, but a spokesman for the Andrew Marr Show is said to have made the following statement,
“We suggested he be airlifted to Edinburgh Royal Infirmary. They have a crash squad on standby in case Sturgeon ever u-turns on Indyref2. They’re the most prepared people in the country for a bout of dizziness this serious.”
Mr Corbyn refused the offer of a helicopter however, preferring to be taken home in a rickshaw and allowed to rest beside a juniper bush while he listened to restorative audio tapes of John McDonnell pretending he has a calculator.
